I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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