She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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