lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
