They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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