I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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