she was so not down for the gang bang
You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
