Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
