sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
