He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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