i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
