it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
