he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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