This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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