i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is Oprah even human
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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