I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
