this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
