ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
