I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
