i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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