i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
