The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
