I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
