Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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