Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
