Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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