also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
