Screwed.edu
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
