I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
