I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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