mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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