im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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