your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
