I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Randomize
