Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
