I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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