Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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