I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
