hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
