So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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