toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
