I wanna bring you to show and tell
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
