Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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