we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
