hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
