FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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