Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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