i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
