Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
