you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
