think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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