sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
