I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
