Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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