I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
